a personal note

So I really wanted to keep this away from my personal life, cause honestly who but me gives a crap?

Now, in the past 2 years all I've done is give people what they want. When my mother was sick, I was the one at home with her at all times. I'd drop anything at any time for whatever she needed. This is not something I have a problem with. I love my mother (RIP momma), and would do anything for her.

My problem is I was the only one to do that. My siblings did nothing. Sure, my eldest sibling worked for a living to keep the lights on. I get that. but when you spend your weekends partying.... yeah. fuck that.

My brother... oh boy.... He couldn't bear to see her, so he turned to drugs and escapism. so I had no help from him.

After december... well, I took some time off in a heroic BSOD, but once I could function again, I did everything for my family. anything they'd ask, id jump through hoops for it.

why? well... for a while i liked doing it. I liked being the go to guy for everyone. But lately....

well lately no one seems to be around anymore. so while I try to keep my friendships going... I get the feeling they don't care. If I'm the one that always has to make things happen, and still get shit on 4/5 of the time... why bother? I think I'm gonna be a hermit for a while. I'll be with my bass, my paints, and a bottle of hooch.